Allardyce Blasts Ben Haim

Half man, half walrus, Sam Allardyce has only been in Newcastle for a few months but he`s already suffering from Geordie disease, a wicked ailment that gives its sufferers delusions about football.

Allardyce was astounded by Tal Ben Haim`s decision to join Chelsea. ‘It’s just a shame he didn’t come to me and I’ll never forgive him for that,` raged the former Bolton boss.

Being unrealistic is a way of life on Tyneside, when it comes to football. Web site NewcastleUnited-mad.co.uk is already confidently predicting that Newcastle will win the league title this season, but as the ‘writer` on there is a spotty, twelve-year old, educationally sub-normal chav who has only a passing acquaintance with the English language, that`s hardly surprising.

Obviously Ben Haim had a decision to make. Chelsea can offer the bright lights of London, sixty grand a week and Champions League football. In Newcastle there are slums, coal mines, whippet racing, rough women and natives who have a severe speech impediment. It must have taken him seconds to decide.