Bolton v The Bindippers

Bolton Wanderers will visit Tranmere Rovers on 28th July as part of their pre-season preparations. For those who don`t know the place, Tranmere is a suburb of Birkenhead and is similar in appearance to post-invasion Iraq, but the natives aren`t as friendly and their grasp of the English language isn`t as good.

Rovers had yet another poor season, failing miserably to make the play offs and the game is an effort to inject some much needed glamour into a deprived area. Plans to clean up the neighbourhood, which include removing the tramps that sleep on the town hall steps, have already been drawn up.

Bolton fans were puzzled as to why the club have chosen to play in a part of the world that makes Blackburn seem classy, but a spokesman at the Reebok was unapologetic.

“It`s mainly for the benefit of our younger players,” he explained, “we want them to know that if they don`t make it with us, they`ll end up playing at a dump like Prenton Park all the time.

“Apart from that, the team coach needs new hub caps, and this is as good a way as any of getting rid of the old ones.”