All the ins and outs before it ‘SLAMS’ shut.
10:30 – No, nothing yet.
10:35 – Apart from the rumours of Sturridge having a medical. Of course, we all remember Rivaldo having a medical. And Leroy Lita. If it is true, this will depend on whether Chelsea get Torres. Mrs X chunter level set to maximum.
10:55 – SSN deny Liverpool have accepted bid for Torres. At the same moment, car sweeps out of Melwood. Driver gives reporter the V’s. Looks Spanish.
11:25 – Re 10:55, appears that was John Aldridge. He’s a wag, isn’t he?
11:25 – St Owen Coyle appears on SSN, likes Sturridge, Cahill going nowhere. No surprise on either. I’ve got to watch this all day? Really?
11:35 – Tony Gale appears on Sky Sports News to give us some insight. Gives me five minutes to have a shower.
12:00 – Twitter explodes that Sturridge has signed on loan quicker than an explody thing that has exploded on a hill of explosives.
12:15 – Reminded that Sturridge’s uncle Dean was in seminal Sky One drama “Dream Team” where he was valued at £5million. A case, indeed, of fiction being stranger than truth.
12:35 – Understand that Stoke are after Leroy Lita. Why aren’t we in for this proven striker?
13:00 – Mrs X has told me that eating is good for you so I’m off for lunch. Expect at least five signings more by the time I get back.
14:30 – Right, I’m back. What did I miss (Quickly scans everything). Right, nothing missed then.
14:35 – Mrs X chunter rating now up to 11.
14:55 – The whole thing is starting to lag now. Need a pick me up. Or a change in SSN presenters. Charlotte and Ed are starting to look tired with all the over enthusiasm.
15:00 – Thank God, here are Simon and Georgie.
15:20 – The Sturridge thing has gone very, very quiet. Is there anybody’s window cleaner’s sister’s best mate’s mother out there that can shed some light.
15:45 – Word on the street is that Newcastle are prepared to buy Elmander if they let their best striker go. Unfortunately this is the team in Newcastle-Under-Lyme.
16:05 – Kevin Nolan heading back to the north west. Relax kids, he’s just giving Andy Carroll a lift.
16:30 – Wow, SSN have repeated the Harry Redknapp interview in his car for the seventh hour in a row. No matter how much I’d like to slip Georgie Thompson into my pocket, I’ve turned over to TalkSport for something new.
16:45 – I’m beginning to get the feeling that this is all starting to look like the same old Bolton deadline day shenanigans. Sturridge appears to have been in the north all day but nothing has been sorted and none of the national press is taking any notice anyway, even though the player is from Chelsea. Still, six hours to go yet though.
17:00 – Sky Sports News guy at Citeh’s Carrington Training Ground (or the old Shell Carrington Social Club as it used to be) says that Sturridge loan deal is going along nicely and we hope to have it done by 11pm. Hope? HOPE??!!
17:30 – Mrs X sends me out for onion and ice cream. It doesn’t mean what you think it means. Get back and still nothing happens. Wonder if Newcastle will put in bid for Elmander?
17:50 – Lights turned off at The Reebok. Someone puts 10p in meter, lights come on again. This is the most exciting news coming out of it so far today.
18:01 – In a kind of getting what you wish for, rumours come through that Swedish journos are saying that Elmander is of interest to the Toon.
18:25 – On slightly Bolton related but Di Matteo says he’s happy that Vela chose West Brom. Doesn’t mention agents demands or the fact they were second choice. Bullet. Dodged. Probably.
18:30 – This is like a house chain. Torres – Carroll – Sturridge. Or mansion – detached – semi. In price, not necessarily in quality.
18:50 – Set Bolton Wanderers transfer dealine day to Mogadon.
19:05 – And here’s Tony Cascarino to give us his insight on deadline day, giving me a chance to get an insight on this chilli. See you when he takes his insight outside.
19:25 – SSN guy, now at Eastlands (or the Council House as it is known) says that the Sturridge deal rumbles on. Bit like my stomach after that chilli.
20:00 – Jim White and Hayley McQueen replace Simon and Georgie. Jim, not known for his lack of hyperbole, almost immediately spontaneously combusts. Sam Matterface tweets that Sturridge deal done. Also tweets that Dioufy has gone to Rangers. Sam Matterface works for TalkSport.
20:05 – Two hours later (see 18:01), the permanently startled David Craig, standing outside St James Park, reveals that Elmander may be going to Newcastle. Noshitsherlock.
20:25 – Jim White gives us some breaking news. Apparently Daniel Sturridge is in advanced talks to sign on a loan deal. Snuck up on us that one didn’t it.
20:32 – Ta-dah!! Shouty Jim informs us that Sturridge has finally signed, which is a good job as I changed his Wikipedia article this morning. At the same time he tells us that Elmander is staying. So that should be that then.
21:00 – Right, in a General Election type stylee, I’m calling it as that. If I’m proved wrong I’ll be back. If not, see you tomorrow with thoughts on today.