Date: 6th June 2012 at 2:08am
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Deadline Come. Deadline Go.

Good morning to you. And welcome back to work. When you read this, I will probably be in bed. No, not sweating off a Jubilee hangover (none of that in our household). I’ll have finished the second of four night shifts. So, while you’ve all been living it up over the holiday weekend, I’ve been earning double bubble.

I think I know where I would have rather been.

Obviously, the bank holiday weekend has meant that the club hasn’t been able to give us a definitive answer as to whether Zat Knight has decided whether or not to sign a new contract, although the extended weekend has not stopped the club from reminding us that Bolton Central will be closed this week and that we are continuing with Prozone as well as the sad news about former Academy player Gareth Stringfellow.

Obviously, this is just par for the course with Bolton, setting deadlines and then extending the deadline like some cut price sofa store. Hopefully this no news can only bring good news and we shall soon hear the news that Knight has left. When that moment comes I will bring out the bunting in a more fervent show of celebration than anyone showed this past weekend, especially Kylie, who appeared to have turned up in a part Pearly Queen, part Hermann Göring fetish outfit.

In other news, in the second part of his interview in the Bolton News, Bruce Rioch, in an attack of the bleeding obvious, has said that a goalscorer must be a priority for next season and, indeed, there must be some kind of back up if the main goalscorers get injured/dropped/arrested. With only three senior strikers at the club, the fact that we need at least another striker is there for all to see but if we are to challenge for promotion then we will need maybe one or two more. West Ham used six in their promotion and even if Michael O’Halloran is to be used, that still needs one more. Rioch uses the example of OC, Super John, Andy Walker, Big Mixu and Fabian de Freitas as a team of strikers that could ‘nick you a goal’. As it is, you would be hard pressed to see where a David N’Gog goal will come from, whilst it will only get harder for SKD. Marvin Sordell will be used more consistently, but he is still an unknown. Naturally, they should be backed up by the midfield and, if they all stay, you can imagine LCY, Holden and Mavies chipping in, whilst Petrov will be good for the few as will Chris Eagles.

Which means that we need to have a better defence than we currently have. Which is where we came in.

But, before we go we can’t help but comment on Fabrice Muamba’s assertion that he hasn’t ruled out playing football again. To see what has happened to him since the incident is amazing, and I’m not talking about the recovery, as fantastic as that is. No, I’m talking about him being feted around the world, including being at the Bernebau over the weekend.

It got me thinking that, with his life story before his collapse and what has happened after, surely it will only be a matter of time before someone snaps up the rights to a film based on him. So, who would play who in Fabrice Muamba: From Kinshasa to Middlebrook?

Naturally, there is only one choice for OC. He may not be the lookalike that people say, but only George Clooney can play the beleagured Bolton manager. To get into character, he will be visiting Green Bay in December and sitting in a park for half an hour wearing only his shorts. OC’s voice will be supplied by Sean Connery.

For the captain, one son of Sheffield will be played by another as Sean Bean returns to the football movie for the first time since When Saturday Comes. Hard as nails and half as pretty, Bean will be the perfect choice for SKD and, as anyone who has seen the penultimate episode of the first season of Game of Thrones will know, he is very good at having a header sliced wide.

Harry Redknapp will be played by ultimate hard man and half time betting forecaster Ray Winstone. There is nothing else to say about that. It is just the natural choice.

Bruce Willis is surely the only man who can play Howard Webb. Cool under pressure and good in a tight squeeze, Willis will play Webb wearing only a white vest which well get grubbier as the game goes on.

Current US favourite but actual Englishman Damian Lewis is a shoo in for Adam Bogdan. Ginger, you see. And he can do accents.

And as for Fabrice himself. The usual names will get bandied around; Eddie Murphy, Jamie Foxx, Will Smith. But I’d be going for Tom Cruise. Well, if he can play Jack Reacher…….


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