Date: 21st May 2007 at 11:24am
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Wilfred Bramble has put pen to paper on a three year deal at the Reebok. The star of Steptoe and Son, aged 95, was out of contract, due mainly to being dead since 1985.

The initial thought was that Bolton boss Sammy Lee had made a dreadful mistake and really meant to sign ex-Newcastle defender Titus Bramble. Lee was quick to dismiss this.

“Of course we looked at Titus when he became available,” said Lee, “but we feel that Wilfred has better mobility and speed of thought, and his wage demands are more affordable.

“We can strap him to a goalpost for corner kicks, although the offside trap might need a bit of work.”

Thanks to the WanderersWays poster who suggested that signing a dead, fictitious rag and bone man would be preferable to the defensive disaster from St James Park. And apologies to Bolton fans for the truly terrifying title of this article.


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