Elmander Organising Sit In

He has scored ten goals in sixty three games. He cost somewhere between £8.2million and the national debt of the Cape Verde islands, depending on who you read. (It was £8.2million. The former manager said so after his first game) His name is Johan Elmander and he ain’t going anywhere. In fact he is ‘Sitting Tight’

In a former BEN article that will surely put more fear into a Bolton’s fans hearts than any article since Paul Robinson ‘reassured’ us that he was only on loan due to tax reasons, the Misfiring Swede has said that no one will force him out of the club and that the manager hasn’t told him that he was leaving.

Now, unfortunately, our source at the club who has been taping some conversations between St Owen and players he wants rid off didn’t get hold of this meeting but here is the way we read between the lines:

Everyone can`t tell me what to do, that`s up to me to decide.

Errr…no it isn’t.

He (Coyle) didn`t say that I was leaving, it was a positive meeting and he said that he was really pleased with what I have done and that he wants to continue to co-operate with me.

He didn’t say you were staying and by co-operation he probably meant that he would pay for the taxi fare away from the club.

I have one year left with Bolton and really feel that this is the thing. It`s now that things start.

I have no idea what the end of the first sentence means but I can pretty much say that having one year left usually means that this is where things end.

He is honest, and I appreciate that. He is the best manager I`ve had.

Bearing mind who the last manager was this loses any kind of impact it may have been intended to have.

The majority of Bolton fans have no problems with Elmander’s workrate, but my dog runs around the local field for 90 minutes with no end product and I don’t see anyone ringing me up and offering £8.2million. I can’t see anyone offering what we paid for him as people will see the goals to game ratio. But if someone comes in waving a cheque for £4million it is likely we will say thank you very much. Add that to the £20-£30million we will get for Cahill, according to today’s Currant (carrying on from yesterday’s ‘exclusive’) and we’ll be laughing. In fact, we’ll be laughing with the £4million.

Anyway, we won’t be needing a new striker if Samantha finds his shooting boots in the place his mother stored them when he was a child. The former BEN (and thank God for them otherwise there would be nothing to write about) have been told by the midfielder that he needs to improve his shooting. They have also been told this by the guy in the top row of the North Stand who keeps on being hit by Samantha’s usual efforts. In his career, Muamba has played 164 games and has scored three goals, which would suggest that Mrs Muamba better find them boots quick if he is to improve.

And today’s comedy headline goes to the top of the article about the contract offer to Stuart Holden as Bolton attempt to hold on to him. The headline editor is, unfortunately, here all week as well.