Date: 8th March 2011 at 8:49pm
Written by:

…..sorry……can’t….ha ha ha ha ha ha….Juventus…..hee hee he…ha ha..stop it….ha ha ha ha.

Evening all.

Let me tell you the one about the football report, the Swede and the Italian Giant. You see, what happens is, the Swede, bought for an astronomical fee that covers about 10% of his new club’s debt, spends two years not doing much but running around a lot being shouted out by a ginger pygmy in a suit. Suddenly, a bank spokesman takes over the club and the Swede puts in a run but normal service resumes quickly. Perturbed by this quick turnaround in events, the Swede leads his club a merry dance, refusing to sign new contracts and generally playing out of position due to the introduction of a younger, better, blacker pretender. Some interest comes in from a couple of clubs, one that plays with black and white stripes in the north east of England and one that plays in Germany and sounds like a beer.

Then, The Mirror publish a story that he is off to Juventus. That is J-U-V-E-N-T-U-S. Interestingly, the also play in black and white stripes. In Italy. And have won the European Cup. A lot.

I read this and nearly wet myself, due to nearly dropping my Gold Blend with three sugars on my lap. True, The Old Lady isn’t exactly troubling the Champions League places this season, but if they think that Elmander is the answer to their goalscoring problems, then they must be trying to throw the league to go with that time they bought it.

Apparently the Italian club have sent ‘top spies’ to have a look at the former, and current, misfiring Swede. One would suspect that their names are Boris and Natasha if they think that former glories will be revived by signing Bolton Wanderers’ fourth choice striker. Whoever the Fearless Leader of Juventus currently is, he must be the reason why they are currently struggling comparitively.

I would just like to point out at this stage that I always admire Elmander for his workrate.

Moving on, a week after playing in a behind closed doors game, Ricardo Gardner has joined Phil Brown at Preston on a month’s loan, ostensibly for match fitness, in pretty much the same way that Andy O’Brien went to Leeds for his fitness. Expect Ricky to stay at Deepdale until the summer.

This is a good move for the ‘veteran’, who as we said last week, is third choice for both the positions he has played in for us. Phil Brown knows the man and knows what he can do. Ricky needs games to bring him back to any kind of fitness, and will certainly get it as our former assistant manager tries to avoid successive relegations. Then he can play in our final game of the season and get the send off he so rightly deserves.

Elsewhere, Zat Knight is moving along in his race to fitness and then the race for the bench as Wheater cements himself next to Cahill.

‘Hopefully at the beginning of this week I will be able to do some running in straight lines and maybe at the end next week I will be able to kick a ball. But that depends on how the running goes.’

Doctor, will I be able to play the piano when my broken hand heals?

Of course, sir.

Fantastic, I couldn’t play it before.

Harsh. Yet, you will find, a little bit fair as well. Get back soon, big guy.

Until tomorrow.


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