Just What Has Happened to Heidar Helguson?

Fears are growing tonight for the safety of Bolton striker and avid consumer of medical supplies, Heidar Helguson. The ex-Fulham and Watford player was supposed to commence a period on loan with Queens Park Rangers, but hasn`t appeared so far.

According to one source Gary Megson claimed that Helguson has decided to stay at the Reebok and fight for his place. Given the fragile state of the Icelander`s body, fighting for anything wouldn`t be a good idea. Even gentle persuasion might prove hazardous. Daily Mirror muppet Alan Nixon has him throwing a wobbler at Loftus Road and signing for Charlton in revenge, a club who currently don`t have a manager.

The most likely explanation is that he was injured in training and Bolton won`t pay his bus fare back to the North West. If anyone should spot a Scandinavian looking gentleman limping up the M6, give him a lift will you? If you`re heading for Iceland then so much the better. The country that is, not the supermarket. Inflicting Kerry Katona on the poor lad might prove fatal.