Date: 16th March 2011 at 4:21pm
Written by:

Not much happening today.

Morning all.

That’s about it. See you tomorrow.

Only joking obviously, as you could possibly tell just by looking underneath the above statement. But it is midweek and, as such, news is scarce on the ground.

So, let’s all look forward to the United game. Never an easy match, I think you’ll agree. Since Kevin Nolan scored the winner in 2002, we have scored just three more goals at Old Trafford. That, to the less mathematically minded of you, is less than half a goal per season. In the same time, United have scored twenty, which, if you haven’t yet got your calaculators out, is just under three per game. In short, we can’t buy a point there. In fact, it seems we can hardly buy a goal.

I once offered Fergie a fiver to give us a point, to which he replied ‘F… Off, Speccy’. This was strange, as I wasn’t wearing glasses at the time. There is something alien about that man.

However, after last night’s game, United are suffering an injury crisis not seen since Captain Blackadder led the lads over the top. Ferdinand, Vidic, Rafael/Fabio (one or the other), O’Shea and Jonny Evans are all injured, leaving Fergie down to just four fit defenders. And one of them is Wes Brown.

This is not to say that the game won’t be tough, but Marseille put the jitters right up them last night, and there is no reason why we can’t do the same.

Going forward, United are just as good as they can be, with Valencia back from injury and Nani recovering so quickly from the Jamie Carragher inflicted injury that you get the impression something fishy went on. Hernandez is a quality player with the ability to put himself in just the right position and Rooney is just Rooney. As in a pudding faced moron millionaire, who would probably be asking to look after your car near Goodison if he hadn’t been blessed with a couple of good feet and low centre of gravity.

This, however, is the best chance that we have to get something from Old Trafford had since those heady days of 2002. Hopefully this will mean Fabrice…….(continues to sound like a stuck record for a couple of minutes).

A Bolton victory will also open up the top of the league and give our new best mates Arsenal the chance to pull United back. Once upon a time, Arsenal winning the league would have been the lesser of two evils. Now, doubtless, we’ll be sending them chocolates, flowers and champagne and take some of the credit for turning Little Jackie Wilshere into a man. Which we did.

Elsewhere, the reserve team beat a virtual Wolves first team 2-1 last night. Looking down a Wolves team that included Hahnemann, Mancienne, Craddock, Kightly, Jones, Ebanks-Blake and Fletcher, you’d have expected a Bolton side whose only recognisable names were Jlloyd and JOB to be trampled over, so congratulations to them for a quite unexpected victory.

Speaking of unexpected victories, Bibi Gardner played the full ninety minutes in Preston’s 3-0 victory over Scunthorpe last night. The victory was so unexpected, Preston haven’t won since mid-December, Scunthorpe immediately sacked their manager. What this says about Phil Brown is anyone’s guess. As for Danny Ward, he came on at half-time in Huddersfield’s victory over Brentford. So good times for our loanees.

Right, that’s it for today. If you could close the door quietly on the way out, I’ll see you tomorrow.


Hello, and welcome to your 4pm update. Sir Alex Ferguson, the man who solely keeps Wrigley’s in business, has been handed a five ban match for calling Martin Atkinson a cheat after United rolled over and had their tummy tickled by Chelsea a couple of weeks ago. However, the ban will start next Tuesday, meaning that he will be able to chirp in the fourth officials ear while turning a new shade of puce at Old Trafford on Saturday.

The FA. Sticking it to Bolton again.


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