Date: 26th February 2016 at 8:43pm
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There was more injury news ahead of this week’s game at home to high-flying Burnley as Dorian Dervite was ruled out for a number of weeks with knee ligament damage. Fans reacted with a mixture of indifference and false concern, in the knowledge there may be fewer defensive errors and long balls launched forward on Saturday.

“I mean nobody wants to see a player get hurt, but if he isn’t on the pitch he might not be able to be responsible for a p***-poor goal to give away in injury time or something,’ said one fan outside the Macron.

Another story emerging thios week was the price of tickets for the trip to Leeds next weekend, with megalomaniac Italian owner Massimo Cellino asking people to pay £37 to watch Emile Heskey being marked out the game by Scott Wootton.

One source however tells us that the high ticket prices are in fact needed to stem the huge losses taken in the last few months to cover the food bills of current head coach Steve Evans.

‘The club’s accounts show a loss of £2 million, but with a slimmer manager the company would be probably turning a profit which could be invested into transfers or reduce ticket prices for long-suffering fans. We have tried to speak with Steve but he just takes it with a pinch of salt, and some bacon, and sausages, and chips, and a kebab, and a Diet Coke.’

Meanwhile, the takeover saga is appearing to near a conclusion. Sports Shield are now just waiting for the authorities to put the required people through the fit and proper persons test, which is strong enough to just about filter people who are probably wanted for murder, dodge tax, abuse human rights, or presented a BBC show in the 1970s.

Eddie Davies will be life president, joining other famous presidents such as Sepp Blatter, Augustin Pinochet and Saddam Hussein. It is understood he will have a suite named after him, but was also pushing for the new Crossrail line in London to be named after him ahead of the Queen, plus for all season ticket holders to name their next child Eddie.


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