Date: 10th May 2007 at 2:39pm
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Bolton fans are used to rejection. We get it in every transfer window. Whether it`s the lure of London, a bigger club or just more money, a Bolton manager has to work harder than many of his counterparts when it comes to attracting players. In the past there was also the problem of retaining staff, although that seems, Tal Ben Haim apart, to be a thing of the past. But do the players leaving Bolton or never arriving in the first place do well? It would seem not. Take a few examples.

David Dunn – The wisdom of signing a six-fingered, banjo playing, doughnut addict with a glass back, has to be questioned, but Sam Allardyce tried it and failed, as Dingle Boy chose to go home to Blackburn. Has he done well? No. Are we ones to gloat? Yes.

Dietmar Hamman – Joined Bolton and then said he wanted to leave. On the same day. If the Sun is to be believed (which of course it isn`t) his difficulties stemmed from being unable to understand staff who worked at a burger joint near the Reebok. Has spent most of the season injured and the rest of it playing badly. Result.

Laurent Robert – Bolton fans wondered why the club was trying to sign Humphrey Bogart`s widow. A good actress, but wasn`t she a bit old to be playing in the Premiership? It turns out that they were getting mixed up with Lauren Bacall. Well that`s what you get for having a girlie name. Robert joined Portsmouth instead and spent the season terrifying passing seagulls with his miserably poor attempts on goal.

Collins Mbesuma – Hands up, who`s already forgotten him? The tubby, Zambian midget with a liking for beer and kebabs, rejected a trial at Bolton and went for the money at Portsmouth. Never started a game for Pompey and is currently playing in Madeira. The island, not the alcoholic beverage.

Michael Ricketts – Wanted to join a ‘big club`. Went to the smog enveloped badlands of Middlesbrough instead. Failed miserably (thanks for the dosh Smoggies!) Repeated the process at Leeds, Stoke, Cardiff, Burnley, Southend and Preston. Couldn`t happen to a nicer bloke.

Alan Stubbs – Slithered his way out of Bolton to Celtic after bad mouthing the club. Has had a reasonable career, but now has one testicle less than he used to have. Altogether now, “Stubbsy has only got one?”

The next candidate? Sam Allardyce. Whatever his achievements, poor team selection and refusal to vary unsuccessful tactics show that his bottle has gone. And he`s seemingly on his way to a club who demand success in the next ten minutes. Good luck Sam. Sarcastic? Us? As if.

 

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