Date: 21st June 2010 at 8:08pm
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And lo, it came to pass that the World Cup would become so boring that useless column writers would have to write about something else other than Maradona`s beard, Robert Green`s (ex-) missus causing him to fumble the ball or the shock of deciding which was worse; Wayne Rooney swearing at the camera or the fact that he had enough energy to do so after his never say die ninety minutes on Friday.

Somewhere, somehow, in his column in today’s Daily Mail, Tim Chalmers has managed to fit in a go at Bolton. He says, and brace yourself, because this level of wit will have you falling off whatever your sat on “If you really are feeling depressed about the standard of play at the World Cup so far, maybe you can find consolation in the Premier League fixtures which were published and include the mouth-watering prospect of Bolton Wanderers travelling to play Stoke City on January 15. Enough to keep anyone going through the bleak days ahead in South Africa, surely.”

Do you see what he`s done there? He`s alluded to the fact that the Stoke v Bolton game just after Christmas may be a borefest due to their, undeserved on both parts, reputation for the long ball game. I know, me either. Muppet. Long ball specialists? I mean for one, did he not see any of our fine, Brazilian Portuguese type goals from last season and two, has he not seen Liverpool recently?

Anyway, we will go some way next season to dispelling these dark thoughts of our friends in the right wing press by getting a one legged left winger on the cheap(ish) if the weekend’s papers are to be believed. Martin Petrov, recently beloved of this site, has done his medical and looks set to sign for free on a £35K per week deal. Now, I did say, and I stand by this, that I have a problem with signing Petrov. I am a great admirer of his skills and if we keep him fit then he would be a great asset. But this is a risky business and we don`t want to fall into the trap that Hull made with Bullard. I`ll slap myself if he goes on to play 38 games next season whilst putting myriad balls on a plate for the strikers however and tell you all how you were right and I was wrong. And let’s hope I do. (Please bear in mind I will not be showing my backside in the front window of M&S, so you can forget that)

And on the bright side we appear to have knocked his wages down by £10K a week, meaning that we now have £520,000 to go towards the transfer fee for James Vaughan, who appears to be available for about £1 million from Everton. Now, you see, this is a bit more like it. We haven’t had a good, crocked young striker since RVT passed away. This boy is a talent however, his lack of goals hiding an ability that could be nutured. He has been unlucky with injuries but at the knock down price he may be going for, he is worth a punt.. Plus JOB needs a regular companion down the treatment room.

Over at the rubbish official site, St Owen has been talking about the endless pre season tour that will take in all countries bar Mauritania and Endor. He says that after all the games planned we will come straight out of the traps against an, obligatory, tough Fulham. He also talks about ‘touching base’ with ‘one or two people’. Let’s hope that one of those is Lee Chung-Yong’s agent. And that he can eradicate the terminology ‘touching base’ before the start of the season.

Remember that you can give us your thoughts on the season just gone and the season to come by answering our questions at the interview page and then emailing We welcome all comers.

Finally, and I know he was a Citeh fan, I’d just like to say RIP Chris Sievey (aka Frank Sidebottom).

We return.

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