Date: 1st March 2012 at 11:59am
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Chris Eagles picks up more points in a ten minute hearing than Bolton are likely to on Saturday. Plus early team news and the Fantasy League.

Afternoon guv’nor. ‘Ows abaht sahm Jellied Eels?

Yes, twelve hours back in London and I seem to have picked up the hint of the southern accent that had creeped in when I lived there and then quickly creeped out once I moved back north. Naturally, the northerness came straight back when, although where I was had a free bar, I looked at the price list and said ‘Bloody Hell. Four pounds for a lager? I can get two pints for that at my local’.

Thanks to Al for covering yesterday. During international weeks it can be hard to write about Bolton, especially now that our one England international no longer plays for us. And, if you go onto the BBC Sport report of the game, there is a shot of Cahill, back to the camera, seemingly leaning out of the way of Robben’s injury time winner, proving that what he took from Bolton Wanderers he probably learnt from Zat Knight.

However, Marvin Sordell played for the U-21’s last night when England took on Belgium and won 4-0. Dedryck Boyata played in defence for Belgium. They let in four. Draw whatever conclusion you wish from that statistic. He’s probably taking lessons from Zat Knight as well.

So, it was OC’s press conference this morning ahead of the game at Citeh on Saturday. Grétar Steinsson picked up a knock playing for Iceland, which is just typical for the player. As soon as he gets a run at right back, something happens that lets another player in. With Tyrone Mears still injured, Steinsson’s possible absence could allow Joe Riley back in, or the movement of Sam Ricketts to left back and Paul Robinson, who has apparent reservations, and who wouldn’t, about going to Elland Road could return at left back.

Look, it’s not gospel. I’m probably just thinking aloud.

As for the pair of Davies’ (Davi?), Mark is back in training, although it is thought that Saturday may come too soon and he may be saved for the more winnable game against QPR next weekend, and Kevin is still not fully fit. Both will be assessed before the game. Mavies’s absence may lead to Darren ‘Whydontyougobackfromwhereyoucamefromandwewillallchipinforthetaxi’ Pratley starting a second straight game, leading to Citeh winning 9-0. Pratley and Robbo in the same team. The CIA have refused to use that kind of torture, calling it more barbaric than water boarding.

When it comes to Pratley, we have said throughout the week, there are more viable alternatives, one of which is Chris Eagles, who has kept up the proud Bolton Wanderers tradition of falling foul of plod and finding himself on the verge of a driving ban after being found speeding down Princess Parkway with a mobile phone in his hand. He already has seven points on his licence having been found to be driving without insurance last year.

That’s a footballer. On £000’s per week. Without car insurance. This makes Diouf’s parking in a disabled space seem like a spot of high jinks.

His excuse that his, admittedly ill, sister may have been calling him and he was worried about her is a better excuse than Fergie’s being caught short so used the hard shoulder one. But does this mean that he always takes calls from her when driving his car? His reasoning to be only given four points rather than the usual five point to his driving 20,000 miles per year (who hasn’t?), doing charity work (get a taxi, you can afford it) and spending time with his younger siblings and nephew near London (let the train take the strain. Virgin first class is very nice. And you get free wi-fi). If he does appeal, it will be under an ‘exceptional hardship argument’. Laughable.

It may appear that I have little time for this kind of thing. And you’d be right. Pick up whichever copy of Hansard is nearest and throw it at him. In my honest opinion.


Fantasy League time now. The top four remain the same, although Rusty Trombones are picking up a late surge for that all important automatic Champions League qualifying position. The team of the week were Matt Bottom and his Notlob Wanderers with sixty three points. And, larger fanfare, February’s team of the month was Danny Harrison and his Dan United. Two used tickets for the Wigan game apiece for our lucky winners.


Right, that’s it. Just to tell you that on a certain betting site that rhymes with Metnair you can get Bolton at 350-1 to beat Citeh 2-0. It could happen. It can happen.

It won’t happen.

Until tomorrow I’ve managed to get through the article without once mentioning Gary Megson’s garden.

Oh, crap.


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