Does getting the sun on your back make you a better footballer? Answers a week on Sunday.
Avast. Captain X here on the good ship Vital Bolton, bringing you more black spots and Jolly Rogers than you can shake your hook at. Listen ‘ee carefully and I’ll tell you a tale of daring doo.
Once, there was a football club, Bolton Wanderers be its name. They had a number of strikers (N’Gog, Klasnic, Davies, Some kid we bought for £3million but never play), but they just could not score away from home, even on Bristol docks where you can score with anything for a guinea. In a fit of it may well work so why don’t we try it, their Presbytyrian missionary manager, Owen Coyle, took them to the far away east, where the air be warm, the women by warmer and the ruby’s be plentiful. There, they were to kick a ball at a net held up by three posts until their feet bled, so that they knew what ‘putting our chances away’ actually meant. Then they returned, by camel, boat and plane, and struck a dagger into the heart of any passing defence.
Or, like QPR last night, just play Swansea. Yes, we are back in the relegation zone after Swansea took their away form and played it up to the max at Loftus Road whilst Fergie foamed at the mouth but couldn’t get his boys to put the ball in the net at Wigan. Whilst I think we could all see the QPR result coming, the fact that Wigan managed three against the Champions elect takes some swallowing. United normally capitulate to relegation threatened teams AFTER they win the league.
Only two teams have lost more games away from home than Swansea this season and they are Bolton and, ironically, QPR. The bad news is that they have now lost four in a row, home and away, and we all know what that means when a team plays Bolton, even if it is two weeks away. Hopefully, they can put a stop to that by beating Blackburn on Saturday.
There is a real danger that we could find ourselves five points adrift by the time we play The Swans and, whilst it is always nice to have games in hand, when you are at the bottom it is better to have the points. QPR are at West Brom, never an easy place to go but not the hardest either, whilst Wigan face The Arse on Monday. If they there like they play last night, they could come away with something.
That sound is me pulling my own teeth out for complimenting Wigan on something.
Whilst they are doing that, our brave boys are forgoing the rain, sun, snow, hailstones and fog of North West England for a few days R&R ‘warm weather training’ in Dubai. Whether or not this is a good idea will depend entirely on the hindsight viewpoint we will be looking from a week on Monday.
‘Take the first half hour out of the equation against Fulham and I think we have been terrific for large parts of the last two games.‘
Said the manager, having watched an entirely different Fulham game to the rest of us. Like I said yesterday, it is all very well creating chances, and talking of creating chances, but the only thing that matters is scoring goals. Sordell isn’t playing, even when Ivan Klasnic is being his most slothlike. Why this is is a mystery to everyone but the manager himself. You don’t put a player continually on the bench to give him a better vantage point to watch the game from. So he must be good enough in the manager’s eyes. However, his appearances so far have been very much blink and you’ll miss him. It is almost as much of a mystery as the ‘why was Muamba never picked’ one that was ongoing when the midfielder collapsed.
It’s good to hear that Fab is making excellent progress and is due to be transferred north by the end of the week. However, whilst I am no Delia Smith, and the thought is touching, I’m not too sure about the cake Fab has given the staff at the hospital. I’m as big a fan of the Victoria Sponge as anyone but would you want to see a photo of the place you worked at transferred onto the front of 16′ worth of icing? Personally, I’d have thought a better gift would be eighty marzipan models of Fab with a thumbs up and a big grin on his face. Much more subtle.
Other strikers we could choose from include Tope ‘Barn Door’ Obadeyi, returned from his loan deal at Rochdale where he scored the massive total of one in the six games he played, or Jack Sampson, who has returned from Southend after suffering an injury. Fifteen appearances in the lower league between them and just the one goal scored. Even lower down the leagues our strikers can’t put them away.
And as if that isn’t the end of the doom and gloom, Speedy Chris Eagles has eventually had the book thrown at him by the good magistrates of Manchester and has had his licence taken off him for twelve months, meaning his journey in from Bowden will have to be accompanied by a driver. It’s a hard life.
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Fantasy Football time now and with literally weeks to go it’s all hotting up. Bertie’s Wizards still cling onto top spot but it is now back down to eighteen points as Real Betis Hotpot make a late surge. White Lightning fall to third. Team of the Week were Lee Birchall’s Grasshoppers Chigley.
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Right, another lunch hour done. Go back to talking amongst yourselves.