Bolton : The Real Reason for that New Shirt

Never let it be said that Vital Bolton isn`t prepared to seek the truth for its readers. Troubled by adverse reaction to the new shirt, we`ve had a gander at in the flesh. Surely, it can`t look as bad as it does in the photographs, right? Wrong. If anything it`s even worse. A number of four letter words spring to mind when describing it, the most polite of which is ‘naff’. (The others start with ‘c’ and ‘w’.)

The child restraint that`s built into the upper body is the same shade as the shorts, but because the pattern on it consists of very small blue and white dots, it appears lighter. It does however, have a slimming effect on the torso. This is the reason why midfield chubster and club captain Kevin Nolan has insisted on the design. Clearly, those individual sessions with Trinny and Susannah weren`t wasted.