Bolton to Sign Striker

Bolton chairman Phil Gartside has indicated that the club are in the market for a striker and are prepared to break the club transfer record to get their man. Gartside, a shadowy figure who operates on the margins of world football, is currently in Muscat, hiding from those Wanderers fans who are still angry at the sale of Nicolas Anelka. Reportedly, he wants to come home, but then so did Buster Edwards.

“We intend on strengthening the team this summer with some serious purchases,” he told a local reporter, “we`ve already put one to bed last week, and we intend on putting the other, a striker, to bed in the next week to ten days, which would be a club record transfer fee.”

That`s a lot of beds, Phil. Any hints as to the identity of the new man?

“I can`t tell you that,” whispered Garty, mysteriously, from behind the back of his hand. “He`s in Europe at the moment. I don`t know whereabouts right now, but he`s definitely in Europe.”

Well, that narrows things down a bit. Not knowing the precise location of a player must make contract negotiations difficult. It generally helps if he`s in the same room or failing that in the same country. At the moment this elusive goal-getter isn`t even in the same continent.

On a separate note, and completely unrelated to the matters discussed above, Bolton fans are reminded that the early purchase deadline for season tickets expires a week tomorrow.