Faye Signs for Wigan

Bolton midfielder cum centre back Abdoulaye Faye is to sign for Wigan Athletic. The fee is thought to be in the region of £2.5 million. This consists of a cash payment of £2 million plus half a million pounds worth of Uncle Joe`s Mintballs.

It has also been revealed that Father Christmas really does exist and that he lives in a modest terraced property in Tonge Moor Road, Bolton, when not making parcel deliveries. The Easter Bunny is also fit and well, as is the tooth fairy, although she`s been hit by rampant inflation in her market sector and may be forced into financial restructuring.

As you may have gathered by now (please say that you have) the title of this article is a tad misleading, but if the Daily Mail can make things up then so can we. Apologies to Bolton fans for the scare. Wigan supporters will no doubt be disappointed. We aren`t at all sorry for that.

Dream on pie boys. Hump a lump Heskey and Titus Bramble are as good as it`s going to get for you lot.