Date: 3rd September 2010 at 11:07am
Written by:

Two for the price of one.

Hello all.

So, here we are, stuck in the middle of the international break like some great big stuck whale on a Norfolk beach that has nowhere to go and is silently asphyxiating through its great big blow hole, while kindly Norfolk villagers argue about rolling it back out to sea or taking it home and keeping it as a pet. A bit like we`ve done with Danny Shittu over the past couple of years.

We might as well have a look at what little there is about. First of all Musthaveariga looks like he is getting close to having his contract terminated by mutual agreement but will be allowed to stay on and train with the club until the next transfer window as he can no longer be considered as a free agent.

This seems fair enough. Riga hasn`t done anything wrong over the past couple of years but, like “The” Shitt, didn`t do anything right either. I always thought that Riga was one of You Know Who`s weirder signings. Weird because he got him on a free from a relegated Spanish team who were more yo-yo than West Brom and then weirder as, once he had signed him, he didn`t play him.

This, of course, may be something to do with the fact he`s an attacking player.

It is difficult to feel anything about Riga except to advise him to take the pay off, thank him for his time and tell him to go and get the balls out every morning until January 1st. They`ll be in the locker, under the stairs.

And that is it. There is nothing else. I`ve looked into the box marked “Breaking News” and all I came back with is an empty void, as black as the night sky. At this point I sometimes have the fall back of looking at the various forums, but even they are deader than usual, except for the occasional “Cahill should play for England and will as soon as he moves” that we cover ad infinitum during international season.

There are times I wish we had an international season like we have grouse season or duck season. Then I could get a really nice sawn off, like they have in the movies, and chase Ashley Cole up and down the Kings Road, playing with him like a cat does a mouse, before eventually killing him and standing on his carcass like the returning hero whilst I am applauded by my peers for a job certainly well done. Then we will all raise a glass while he festers outside the window before a pack of foxes drag him away to make some nice bedding in their lair.

Somehow, I can’t see Cameron and his cronies bringing in the kind of legislation. So with a great big HARUMPH, I`ll leave you with that and a great big Bolton player sized hole in the middle of the England defence tonight.


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